I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
