can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
