Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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