i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I believe in your delicious
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
