Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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