Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I understand Curling. That high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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