All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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