Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
