i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
