with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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