She said her name was "party"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
