ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
