Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
