Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
