She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
