You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
