no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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