I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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