he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
