Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
