Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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