Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
