Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
