even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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