Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
