I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
