just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
