i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
