even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Mom said you looked used
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
