I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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