If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
