i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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