I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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