Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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