3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
