I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
