I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
