nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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