right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
