u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
