if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
