How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
