..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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