well I can't set my house on fire every night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
