oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
