I hate your face
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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