i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
