Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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