My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
