You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
