I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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