Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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