Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
