Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
