So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
