Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
