batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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