yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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